As some of the more intrepid readers have probably guessed by now, this is a little game I put together in Perl after blatantly ripping off the idea in early 1999 from Snoot.com's long-dead Choose Your Own Schizophrenia game. Now I've decided to revive it in PHP & MySQL.

The objective is to tack on pieces of the story as you go along, just like in the old Choose Your Own Adventure™ series. Think you're up for it? Give it a go — follow any of the stories on the left, and have fun! Just be sure to remember the following:

• First and foremost, I'm not responsible for anything you read here. If you can't handle it, tough. :)
• Second, keep in mind that I (generally) don't write this stuff. You do. So, feel free to use a little adult humour, but please don't go overboard — I'm sure some kids will be reading this.
• I control the root stories. Muahahahaha. Maybe I'll open them up to the public ... sometime.
• While you're at it, when you're adding a pathway, make sure that both branches you create are individually appealing. Makes it easier to keep the storyline alive and kicking.
• Also, when you're writing, try not to write more than one or two branches of the story at a time. It keeps the story fresher and funnier if you let others put in their $0.02 as well...
• Finally, try not to kill off the main character (you) ... it can be pretty detrimental to the storyline (plus it's kinda useless, seeing as someone is bound to revive you, anyway.)
• Oh yeah: if you find a problem somewhere, or see a bad posting, report it to me.

With that, I'll let you get on with it. Choose a path from the list on the left below to start reading ...